When my son was born, I made a promise to myself and him: the cycle of trauma and addiction stops today.
I’m 12 years of time. The passage that gets me there is filled with abuse, shame, neglect, and no compensation component.
But even if my story is sad, I know his – my son – different and he will never suffer from a lack of parent love what I do.
Building a new future
I’m from a long line of family members with serious mental health and pain in the substance. They are all talents, but very badly, and they can’t get out of demons.
My great-grandparents died in alcoholism. When I was 4 years old, my grandmother brought me down and almost killed me, and it blamed me.
At school, I’m a raised track star, but I also have dyslexia and struggling to keep in class. When I was in the third grade, the teacher would build me in front of the class and read all, but I couldn’t do it.
And no one promotes me – not my teachers or my parents. Instead of telling teachers, “he reads issues,” they said to me, “You don’t work hard because you’re good athletes.”
Too bad, my father unloaded me when he arrived home from working a 12-hour day. One thing I do is obvious to prompt him, and he beat the crap from me.
So, from an early age, I know I need to escape the environment myself. I left Australia and built a new American life.
Years later, when my wife is pregnant, the burden of future responsibility feels scary. Before, I thought it was all about me. Suddenly, it’s about “us.”
I like a girl, but I know that God will end up giving me a boy. Why? So I’ll be forced to be a cycle-breaker – so I don’t do what my father do.
And actually I have a boy. If I see him, I see what I need when I’m young. I have never put her hands at all. I want to protect him with all the costs.
A big thing
How often do people say:
My job as a father is to give my child a safe place to find out who he or she wants to develop; to go for him; Teach him; be his best friend; and be a good example.
I will teach her the skills she needs to be successful. I will teach him how to become a good person. That’s my job.
Within years, I will be careful to model the type of behavior and choices I want to see him.
He saw my muscles and said, “I want to have a muscle like you, Dad.” So, I tell him, “you work out.”
She saw my bookstore books and say, “I want to write a book in the future.” I told him, “You have to work.”
He saw me on TV helping people and saying, “I also want to help people too.” I told him, “You always have to serve.”
And I chose the way I reacted to him who didn’t work on the prompt as my father did. If I have sinned as a child, like a cup, my father hits me. In my house, things are different.
I remember when my son broke a plate on my feet. He went out because I was bleeding. But I told him, “Everything is fine. Tight Papa. Don’t worry about it.” The next day he went to school and told his friends, “I’m so bad like my father. I broke a plate on his feet!”
History is not necessarily repeated
To any Father who is struggling today, know it: Your past should not write your future. Help is there, and you can change the slab in your life and your family. Addiction and trauma should not be passed to the next generation. The cycle will stop you.
For many fathers, that means seeking help or treatment. I saw fathers every day in the deserted harvest at the treatment center that made this bold step for them and their families.
There are also meetings there. If you are afraid to go to a meeting man, you can go online. There are amazing communities.
Don’t be shy. Take shame and forgive yourself to make mistakes. It is part of human experience. We all have to make mistakes.
Recently, I was asked what to say to my son about my addiction when he was getting old. I’ll tell my son simple: I try to escape my reality because my reality is very painful. And you’ll never escape your reality because I’m always here for you.
A story of freedom
The biggest thing that teaches me is to stay now. It’s a day at an hour. I recently celebrated 19 years of recovery.
What did I learn? Healing is a lifestyle. It’s about the process and progress. There is no perfection. It’s about showing for yourself, so you can show up for others.
Healing Make sure you are healthy in all areas of life, so you can help others and serve. Because we are all fixed from something.
My story is one of millions – molded by struggle, but does not define it. He who stopped me to go is hope my son’s story can be one of the freedom, can’t live.
Mike Diamond is the director of involvement and American intervention services in America, a leading provider of treatment for mental health addiction.
