My father died when I was 15. One year ago, I talked to the sadness of therapist Natalie GreenbergAnd he says something that comes with me: “If you are a young adult who has lost a parent, friends often don’t show up on their way to follow.”
I remember what I collapsed when some friends don’t check, and how I feel I feel when others give me a long hug. Now, with kids myself, I want to teach them how to go there for mournful friends. Of course, I have my own experience to keep up, but I think of helping (or you haven’t helped) others who lost parents early in life. I talk to three girls, and here’s what they tell me …
Carmel Breathchachwho lost his mother when he was 11 years old
“A few months after the death of my mother, I went to Susan’s house. We sat in front of TV, with my little father. I was surprised by his younger sister.
“At that time, most of my friends were too young – eight, nine, 10 – to fight with me without supporting them.
Erika Veurinkwho lost his father at the age of 15
“After my best friend heard that my father was diagnosed with cancer, he started a main footer who went to a locker who went to my locker.
“I’m with my best friend when I got the call my father passed. He and I kneeled up with the husbands with my mother, with the husbands with my family.
“In that summer, he and I spent a lot of time hanging in his lawn, walking to CVs, and watched more Gilmore women. We were 15 and he was so sad.
“At that time, I wanted my friends to act like all normal and to get rid of me, in the waves. Sometimes it feels good to lose a gossip session in the locker content. Other times, I want to yell at listening to my friends who complain about their fathers after my mine. I usually want to go around people all the time. I spent a lot of time floating with my friends in the pool, never saying. And that feels so comforting! “
Jannelel Sanchez (of myself), who lost his father at the age of 15
“A few days before my father’s funeral, my mom asked if I wanted to invite my best friend. They also, he was a stranger I did.
“But my mom told her my mom about the death of my father, all I got was to keep my eyes on my mind not to go to the funeral.
“Now as an adult, I understand why S. is so far away.
“Also, to be fair, I didn’t get to him. I didn’t write him in a text saying, ‘I never talked to my own friends. Oh myself just got clammy. Or just sit next to them in a bed and not saying anything.
“Grateful, some friends arrive. But the one who stopped mostly is unexpected. To go to my son in our Church, I feel anxiety in the spiral in our church. Can all the girls today see whose father died? Do people act oddly? But once I came to the end of the stairs I heard a bright, ‘jannelle-y !! And saw my friend Chloe running in the hall. He pointed to me in a large, warm phrase, and gave me a piece of paper. With these two smiling rod numbers on bridal shoes with hay-like hair. They lie down. What I wanted during that time was a friend to hold my hand, and it was, shown on paper. ”
Natalie GreenbergWho lost his mother at 23
“After my mom dies, my mom never knows my friends for me. They say vague, open things, what you do? ‘Or’ I’m here if you need something you need. ‘ And the hard to respond when you feel your world is turned on.
“A gesture that means a lot happened in the years after my mother’s death. A friend saved his phone date, and that day he asked a sweet text and then asked, ‘Would you like to go for ice cream tonight?’ The way he reached and acknowledged my mother’s absence was very thoughtful. It also feels more personal than chatting a day on your phone.
“Now as a mother, I want to point out my son how kind of kindness when a friend is mourning and check someone with a person who is endless.”
Did you lose a lover of your childhood? What do people say or do with you comfort?
PS How to talk to children about death and How do you think about death?
