You want your children Feel loved-And to be happy, healthy and reasonably well behaved. Nothing is more important. Advice about How to achieve this Arrive to you from each corner: Playground moms, media, your in-laws. You can be one of the people who ask perfection from yourself with everything you do, especially it. Or you can be someone who heals the gap between what you are ideal in parenting and what you can achieve. The sad irony is that the harder you work and worry about being perfect, the more miserable you can do yourself – and your kids are more important WORRIED or themselves, shown in psychological research.
“If you’re a perfect parent, know you’re not alone!” The psychological psychologist said Erica Lee at Boston Behin Hospital. As cultural changes in western countries promote competitive individual, younger men and women Increasingly feelings that others have asked perfection from themAnd they asked for themselves, including their parents. KEEPED TO EXCEPTED BY COUNTS Links to perfection of satisfaction, depression and other diseases. “The restraint of yourself to a ‘all or no’ ‘feelings can excite anxiety concerns, stressful and shy (you are the most critical and accomplish a parent,” Lee said.
It is shown to mount the research, when people are perfectist about their parenting, their children are also at risk for emotional problems. “The perfectist parents tend to increase the perfectist children, which can be increased (children ‘) risks for depression, anxiety, self-criticism,” Lee said. New scientists have identified what parenters the most dangerous to suffer serious emotional consequences – and also when placing superhigh standards can benefit from parents and children.
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Psychologists explain that a characteristic is usually stable for hours – even if circumstances can dispel or calm it. They also know that perfection attached to two main characteristics of personality: high excitement and high neuroticism. These characteristics, in turn, linked to the two parts of perfection: “Struggles” for high standards and “concerns” of perceived failures. “Benaries” barns “are likely to seek the best of all. They have set up unbelievable goals and try to meet them. On the other hand, we are tall in the nature of neuroticism – we will call them simple” worriers “- likely to have Anxiety issues or self-esteem. They ran out more than the gap between their values and nitty-gritty of daily parenting, which strengthen themselves for making mistakes.
Recent psychologists understand how arguments against concerns influence parents’ identities. To a Study 1,275 Parents in Poland Aged 18 to 30, participants asked to answer the questions how they felt themselves as parents three times in the course of a year. They notice what they agree with statements such as “it’s important for me that I am perfectly worthy of all I do” or “if I fail to work / school as a person.”
Parents with most concerns about their performance feel the worst of themselves as parents. “Such parents have experienced uncertainty, dissatisfaction and regret their decision to become polluted concerns, on the other hand.
But it rarely is even for the seizures without worry. Arguments and concerns are two sides of the same coin; To most people, they are associated with. “Only a small subset of parents – those who continue to high personal standards while experiencing minimal concerns or self-reluctance – benefits their attempt to be the best,” says Pienswographsi. “For many, perfection can bring failure to move, further stress and reduce parenting satisfaction.”
Those symptoms of combustion. art Studying mothers in the infants in Finland It is shown that two factors contribute most of the burns: outside social pressures an imperfect parent and low self-esteem. Mothers suffer from low self-esteem harder by burning, while more confident mothers have experienced little. (Generally, research has been found even when perfectionist liver may be disappointed by themselves, Expecting mother’s culture As the Primary Caregiver brought them to bring themselves in higher standards than fathers.)
A mountain of research is also built that parenting forciers in perfecting themselves can harm their children’s mental health. Fuschia Sirois, a social and health psychologist of Durham University in England, with an analysis of 14 study of Negative effects of parents ‘parents’ perfectionism. Such effects are Legion. Parents who are concerned about imperfections may accidentally raise their children to see mistakes as signs that they are bad people. And modeling unrealistic high expectations can lead to children to develop low self esteem or a constant feeling of failure.
For example, imagine a mother called at school because her five-year-old daughter hit another child. She was scared, just as she shows a bad parent. Hurt by the concerns of perfectionist, he felt embarrassed, guilty and like a failure. Instead of asking his daughter what happened, he screamed that fitting was bad and punished the child. “That child to bring it to the heart,” Sirois said. “They feel like having a kind of intrinsic error there, instead of bad behavior.”
However, setting up high standards for parenting, even unrealistic, can provide some benefits – as long as parents do not emphasize oneself and criticism, finds Sirois in his analysis. In the hypothetical condition mentioned above, the mother is a cluster, so if her child works, she may feel himself without meeting her high parenting standards. However, doing doing better, this parent may ask the daughter why he beat his classmate and explain how the words use, not in anger. Sirois knows that such barns are less emotional distressing their children.
The study of Poland shows another relative benefit for the fights: they are more likely to seek the education of parenting in the course of study.
“It’s a big outcome,” Piriverrowski said, “Interrupts show for parents (workshops, therapy) that releases them a strongly stabbed in perfectic expectation.”
The trick of getting this more thoughtful approach, experts say, to notice if your expectations are caused by misfortune for you and emotional problems for your children. They noticed some red flags:
You judge yourself on a basis for everyone or nothing. If you have sinned, you see yourself as a failure.
You brush your achievements. If other parents tell you how wonderful your child moves in a party, you can’t get it.
You see that your child is not satisfied with their achievements because they are worried that they are not good.
If you notice these things, experts suggest you start by helping yourself:
Talk to other parents faithfully about your struggles. You may find that even some seemingly unobtrusive parents are also struggling.
If you notice you criticize yourself not enough to do, remind yourself of some good things to you THE done.
Talk to yourself as you are a compassionate friend to another parent.
If you feel you are drowning in a sense of failure, look for counseling.
Above all, think about what is good for your children in general instead of focusing on your own performance. “Self-acceptance model,” Lee said. “If it’s difficult to be kind to yourself, reframe it: ‘If I give myself more flexibility and grace, if my children are confident and able to tackle hard problems even when it is the same to themselves-then I am the” great “parent I’m trying to be. ‘”
